People do fucked up things in breakups. God knows I have. Lately too.
Is it just confusion? Loneliness? Selfishness? The inability to grow that makes us do these things? Probably. Is it therapeutic? Yes. Does it hurt people? Yes. Does it ever get better? Of course it does, in most cases at least.
I've been upset because I didn't know where my place was. In my exes life or in my own. And that can be a pretty terrible feeling. And a terrifying one, especially when you don't like the answer you know you're going to find. I recently deliberately antagonized my ex in a conversation about what happened with us. It bothered her to no end. I was fairly respectful, but I did get angry (which happens when someone hurts you, but that doesn't make it fair), and I tried to get her to unleash on me, to get angry back, to validate my own feelings and my place in her life.
By the end of it, we had an open discussion about how we both felt and it was glaringly apparent why things fell apart the way they did. And even though it probably bugged the hell out of her, it did wonders for me, and we ended on a positive note. I admit I was probably being more than a little childish, but that will happen. It gives me something to make up for later.
Anyone else out there have stories of painful breakups, ridiculous breakups, awkward or otherwise unusual circumstances around an ex. Why do things have to be so strange after the fact? What happens to two people who used to love each others company that makes it so difficult to be around each other any more? Revulsion? Regret? Embarrassment? You know how to post, so do it.
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How about still living with the person you broke up with for a more than a week after, in the room you share, in a city where you know absolutely no one and therefore nowhere else to stay?
ReplyDeleteThen of course having to pretend everything is grand even though they are moving to another state and leaving you with all the rent.
I tried my best to be adult about the situation even though I knew they left because they were just bored and didn't want to make an effort to live without mooching off society.
Tried to tell myself the mature thing to do would be to try and maintain a relationship with this person even though they completely abandoned me.
Every day that followed made me feel better and made me realize that it wasn't me who really had the issues.
Within 3 months of this person leaving they:
-got back with their ex (whom they broke up with to be with me, mind you).
-Then moved back in with their parents at 22. Got back with another ex and got engaged while still being with the other ex.
-Broke up with both of them and started dating someone else.
-Started dating this new person's other SO.
Last I knew this person is engaged again (to the last person mentioned) and is planning to get married in Canada.
The drama continues on but I won't bore you.
I don't regret the relationship nor do look back completely disgusted because I learned a lot from the experience and there was plenty of good times and adventures that made it worth while.
And you got to move to a new city.
ReplyDeleteAnd really, there's always something to be learned, right? It's the human experience. Sure, we can wallow in our doubts and self-pity, and I've done more than enough of both. But at some point you have to move on.
I think that we have to realize that as painful as it is, we aren't as important to others as we feel we need to be. And to be marginalized is terrible. So you have to create your own worth.