The Cleanse

So I have a co-worker who's doing something called a Cleanse. She's deciding that for an entire year, she won't eat any processed foods, no dairy, won't take any drugs or drink any alcohol. I get that, for your health, right? But she's also decided to swear off dating for this year.

Clearly this contract with herself is her way of having a better life. I understand that we don't usually do our best to consider what we consume and put in our bodies. I know I follow the "it looks like food so it must be" philosophy. I'm more careful now, but I haven't always been.

You see these kinds of oaths all the time around new years and (if you're catholic) lent, but they usually don't last. I think it's because we're creatures of habit. And we need to realize that we need some pattern and stability in our lives to keep going. So when we try to do what's better for us by making a vow to ourselves and we end up being crushed with self-pity when it doesn't last. "Well I just couldn't NOT eat chocolate so I might as well give up".

I think these kind of life changes are good in small steps. That's how smokers quit. And it usually works. A lifestyle isn't just going to change overnight. We do need to take active decisions into improving our lives, but remember that with everything, we need to take it in stride. And of course we're going to fail a little bit. Especially with vows like these. We're habitual creatures and we seek little comforts in life that usually take the form of bad habits that we don't like admitting to.

I've never been one to really go in for "New Years Resolutions" or things of that nature. I always figured if there was something I wanted to do or not do, I'd do it. Regardless of the time of year or what else was going on.

But I'm also lazy and self-centered and have a hard time changing my life. And there are changes I want to make. So maybe making little promises to myself is the way to go. How do other people feel about this? Are you on any sort of personal promise for self improvement? Any success stories? Eager to hear.

My own brand of therapy (right...)

People do fucked up things in breakups. God knows I have. Lately too.

Is it just confusion? Loneliness? Selfishness? The inability to grow that makes us do these things? Probably. Is it therapeutic? Yes. Does it hurt people? Yes. Does it ever get better? Of course it does, in most cases at least.

I've been upset because I didn't know where my place was. In my exes life or in my own. And that can be a pretty terrible feeling. And a terrifying one, especially when you don't like the answer you know you're going to find. I recently deliberately antagonized my ex in a conversation about what happened with us. It bothered her to no end. I was fairly respectful, but I did get angry (which happens when someone hurts you, but that doesn't make it fair), and I tried to get her to unleash on me, to get angry back, to validate my own feelings and my place in her life.

By the end of it, we had an open discussion about how we both felt and it was glaringly apparent why things fell apart the way they did. And even though it probably bugged the hell out of her, it did wonders for me, and we ended on a positive note. I admit I was probably being more than a little childish, but that will happen. It gives me something to make up for later.

Anyone else out there have stories of painful breakups, ridiculous breakups, awkward or otherwise unusual circumstances around an ex. Why do things have to be so strange after the fact? What happens to two people who used to love each others company that makes it so difficult to be around each other any more? Revulsion? Regret? Embarrassment? You know how to post, so do it.